Sonic the Hedgehog is basically some sort of freaky cryptid, isn’t he?
No, I don’t mean because he’s an electric blue hedgehog, though there is that.
I mean… like, back in the day when 2D platformers were all the rage, everybody wanted to be the next Mario. There were about a billion different attempts to manufacture a mascot-driven platformer franchise by corporate decree; some flew high and crashed hard (e.g., Earthworm Jim); some were bad jokes right from the get-go (e.g., Bubsy); and some have just bumbled along doing their thing, no gushing headlines but no hysterical laughter (e.g., Rayman) – and then there’s Sonic.
Sonic is the one mascot-by-committee who’s managed to make good. He has a goofy design, a self-consciously “edgy” personality, and basically nothing to distinguish him from any of dozens of failed efforts, yet everybody loves him. And on top of all that:
a. Most of his output has ranged from mediocre to terrible for longer than the bulk of his current fanbase has been alive – there are literally kids who love Sonic in spite of the fact that his last standout game came out before they were born; and
b. He’s a console mascot for a defunct console.
… and yet he’s coasted on pure name recognition for decades, and is routinely mentioned in the same breath as mascots like, well, Mario.
I’m sorry, we need to take a short break from horses to appreciate that my boyfriend’s cat has a treadmill, and she will only run on it if she has an audience.
while looking up 1950s slang, i found the phrase “come on snake, let’s rattle,” which has 2 meanings: asking someone to dance, and challenging someone to a fight
and. hhhooooooooo boy does that fact have some Potential
Invite your crush to the dance floor, but instead they just fuckin deck you
THE LEGENDARY STORY OF THE TROJAN HORSE DOES NOT INVOLVE THE GREEKS GIVING THE HORSE TO THE TROJANS AS A GIFT. THE GREEKS’ DECEPTION WAS ACTUALLY THAT THEY LEFT THE HORSE AS AN OFFERING TO THE GODDESS ATHENA.
IN THE LEGEND, THEY BASICALLY SENT SOMEONE TO TROY TO SAY “THIS HORSE IS FOR ATHENA, NOT YOU, SO OUR RETREAT BACK TO GREECE IS SAFE. DON’T TRY TO TAKE IT. IT WON’T FIT THROUGH THE GATES OF YOUR CITY, SO THERE’S NO WAY YOU DICKS CAN STEAL IT AND PRETEND YOU GOT IT FOR ATHENA. NOT FOR TROJANS.”
AND THEN TROY WAS LIKE “YOU’RE NOT OUR DAD. WE WON THIS WAR AND WE’RE TAKING YOUR STUPID HORSE AS A TROPHY SO WE’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW BAD GREECE IS AT DESTROYING TROY.”
AND A FEW TROJANS WERE LIKE “THIS IS A TRICK” AND TRIED TO EXPOSE IT AS A TRICK BUT THE REST OF THE TROJANS WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS SWEPT UP IN THE THRILL OF VICTORY, AND ALSO BECAUSE THE GODS KEPT SENDING SNAKES TO STRANGLE ANYONE WHO SAID ANYTHING, BECAUSE THE GREEK GODS HAD NO WORD FOR “SUBTLETY”
THEN AT NIGHT ALL THE GREEKS JUMPED OUT OF THE HORSE LIKE “WE TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE THE HORSE, WHY ARE YOU SUCH PRIDEFUL DICKS” AND BURNED DOWN THE WHOLE CITY
Kids are interesting. I’m babysitting a 9 year old boy right now who’s homework is to write a fictional story and he wrote about how in millions of years the sun will expand killing everything and one man fell asleep at the beach and missed all the official announcements about the world ending but he managed to be the only survivor of the solar flares because he applied SPF 100 sunscreen.
you ever see an image and think “i may see something as funny as this again, but never anything funnier”
ALL RIGHT YOU LITTLE SHITS GET READY TO LEARN SOMETHING
yOU WANNA ROTATE TEXT?! well mod 5ider has got the fucking t r i c k s homie
Step one: Type something.
P E R F E C T.
sTEP TWO: FIND THE RESIZE OPTION.
You see that little resize button on your menu?
Yeah, that’s the one. you can just click that shit!
On older versions of MS Paint there isn’t this option, but you can always find it with a quick right-click.
THERE IT FUCKING IS!!!!!
STEP THREE: STRETCH AND SKEW
When you click resize, this menu comes up.
I’m sure you all have seen this menu before, but for those who don’t, I’ll clue you in. The top options control the length and respective width of your artwork. you can choose to alter them separately,
or all together
Using that little “Maintain Aspect Ration” checkbox there, but that’s not important right now.
wHat we’re focusing on is that skew option on the botttom.
with that you can t i l t whatever image yuo have on your screen to the left
to the right
up
and down.
“BUT 5IDER!!!!!” you say, “THAT DOESN’T LOOK ROTATED AT ALL”
wELL HOLD ON TO YOUR LUG NUTS BECAUSE I T ’ S T I M E F O R
STEP 4: ULTRA COMBOOOOOOOO!!!!!
now, comes the fun part. unlike its aspect ratio locked cousin, the stretch and skew options work independently from one another. So, you can do things like
and
But that’s neither here nor there… what gets REALLY interesting is when your ratios are in opposite directions..
HOME RUN!
Now, before I let you go, I found out through trial and error that an angle doesn’t exactly match up with its negative dimension…
(Step 5: Angular ratios)
See? there’s a little offset between vertical and horizontal if your expect your text to appear natural instead of tilted. The only places that this offset reaches zero is at 90° (of course) and the rare and extremely dangerous 45° rotations.
Fortunately, I’ve already mapped out a few angles that I find are very useful in my works so, for your viewing pleasure… i present my handy dandy graph
All you have to do is match up your desired angle up to its respective complement and you have quickly and efficiently rotated your first word in MS Paint.
In the new E3 footage Mario can possess objects and characters with his hat in the newest Mario game and now we’re wondering if Mario was the hat all along and who we thought was Mario is actually just a random guy who has just been possessed for years.
Mario’s hat is like the Ice King’s crown
had a convo about this on twitter earlier, and note:
in super mario 64, mario takes double damage with no hat
in sunshine, mario’s health gradually drains with no hat
conclusion: mario is a lich and the hat is his phylactery. as he grows in power, his soul is embedded deeper and deeper within the hat, and so too does his grip on his long-dead physical body become more and more tenuous
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