I had a dream that I faked a video Game. Like I just made up vague facts and a concept for a game and it’s upcoming release, and people went wild for it and started getting excited for when it would come out. I had set up a fake indie developer website for it, a Twitter that I had loaded with followers through bots, and made a bunch of fake promo images and a fake trailer and eventually game news sites began picking up on it. And after a year of carefully grooming hype for it and convincing everyone it’s real through word of mouth and fake previews, Nintendo contacted me and said they wanted it on their console and I said yes, and then I went to E3 for announcements, told everyone it was all fake, and Reggie grew 40 feet tall and killed me
Today I had the revelation that my half orc has 30ft speed, but because she’s a monk, her unarmored movement is +10ft at Level 3. Using the ki feature Breath of the Wind, she can dash as a bonus action meaning she can go 80ft in a turn.
If anyone cast Haste on my dear sweet Marfu, she would go 160 in six seconds.
At her most perfect Level 20 self’s unarmored movement of +30, she could go a max 120ft in a turn, or 240ft hasted. With 20 ki points to spend that could mean a solid two minutes of going almost 30 miles per hour and I think that’s beautiful.
Grab yourself the mobile feat for that extra 10ft base movement
We’re up to a max of 210/420 (lol) feet per six seconds which is 47 MPH. I feel like we’re crowdsourcing this monk at this point to make her as game-breakingly fast as possible.
BETTER MAKE THAT 94MPH
I quote the 5th Edition rulebook:
Boots of Speed
While you wear these boots, you can use a Bonus Action and click the boots’ heels together. If you do, the boots double your walking speed, and any creature that makes an opportunity attack against you has disadvantage on the Attack roll. If you click your heels together again, you end the effect.
When the boots’ property has been used for a total of ten minutes, the magic ceases to function until you finish a Long Rest.
Are you telling me Haste and Boots of Speed STACK?! Oh my god we’ve discovered the real Fast Travel function
It’s a great idea. I recommend it. Each session has a new GM. The new GM has to figure out what’s happening based on playing the last session. GMs can’t compare notes. It’s like a game of telephone. The story just keeps getting mangled. 10/10.
Writer: “Hey, can I show you my new fantasy world?”
Editor: “Sure, let me take a look…”
Writer: “Thanks! I’d love to know what you think.”
Editor: “Wait, I’m confused. Where’s the habitable zone? It looks like you’ve got lifeforms covering the entire planet.”
Writer: “Oh right, so this is cool. The idea is that this world actually rotates as it orbits its nearby star, so instead of having a dark side and a light side with a habitable zone in the middle, both sides go through a constant light/dark cycle, making it so the whole planet is a habitable zone! Neat, huh?”
Editor: “Huh, that’s… an interesting idea. But, it looks like you’ve got animals and cultures in different climates too. How does that work if the whole world is being evenly heated rotisserie-style?”
Writer: “I’m glad you asked! See, the rotation of this world actually spins on a kind of tilted axis that oscillates back and forth. This makes the heating more even towards the middle, while the top and the bottom have more extreme climate fluctuations.”
Editor: “I gotta be honest, this whole climate system seems needlessly complicated. Plus, you’ve got populations living thousands of miles inland. Do you realize that keeping everything hydrated would take an impossible amount of irrigation resources?”
Writer: “Yeah, yeah! I thought of that too! It works because the air on this world is full of invisible dust particles, so when water evaporates there it condensates on the dust and accumulates into these HUGE floating bodies of water, which drift around everywhere and-”
Editor: “Stop, just stop, OK? Look, using one or two of these ideas could be neat, but nobody’s going to take you seriously if you keep cramming in more and more crazy stuff like this. You need to tone it down a bit.”
Writer: “…”
Writer: “So can I tell you about the cool magnetic force field?”
Editor:*sigh*
I can’t believe I posted this one week ago and it already has over 700 notes.
changes her name from XJ9 to jenny – a choice which her mother doesn’t respect and constantly disregards
displays literal extreme body dysphoria all the time and compares herself to the other girls in her grade/friend group (”nobody in their right mind would want a body like mine”)
taller than all her friends
obsessed with the concept of becoming real and authentic
and don’t forget
-has an episode dedicated to puberty + body changes, wherein she starts developing historically masculine traits bc of a parasite inside of her (deep voice, body hair, barrel chest, larger “muscles”) – spends episode expressing deep anxiety over the changes, while everyone else tries to tell her it’s fine and natural – finally everyone realizes the issue and the parasite is removed, reverting her to her usual/preferred look and demeanor
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