Keepalive is Aram Bartholl’s fake hollow boulder in the woods of Neuenkirchen, Germany. It conceals a thermoelectric generator that powers a router configured to serve documents related to wilderness survival. The router switches on if the rock is sufficiently warmed, say by a blazing campfire adjacent to it.
It’s based on Piratebox, a standalone Internet router project for file-sharing.
It’s not the only art/artificial boulder project, though: Ed Ruscha claims to have made an artificial boulder called “Rocky II” and hidden it somewhere in the Mojave, where it is visually indistinguishable from the surrounding rocks, making it all but impossible to find.
that magic rock in the Mojave is going to confuse the fuck out of our descendants one day.
probably not. it’s just a rock. most rocks go unregarded
most rocks aren’t wifi access points!
you need to regard a rock to find out if it is a wifi access point.
w hat the fuck. did the world’s most sadistic text adventure game writer make this rock
You are lost in a woodland clearing. There is a large boulder and a pile of firewood nearby. > check cell phone You open your cell phone to google wilderness survival tips, but you don’t have any service. > make campfire with firewood You could light a fire here, but you’d still be lost. > regard rock It’s a large rock. The underside of the rock appears slightly charred. > light campfire under rock Pretty soon you have a blazing campfire going underneath the boulder. > regard rock The strange boulder, now warmed, has begun to emit a faint mechanical hum. > check cell phone You open your cell phone. There is one wifi network available, named “KeepAlive.” > connect to rock wifi The wifi router opens a webpage full of documents on wilderness survival. > ????? Invalid command. > why Invalid command. > who hides secrets in a magic heat-activated rock Invalid command.
Some of you are reblogging because you think its funny that programmers would talk to ducks. I’m reblogging because I think its funny picturing a programmer explaining their code, realizing what they did when they explain the bad code, then grabbing the strangling the duck while yelling “WHY WAS THE FIX THAT SIMPLE!? AM I GOING BLIND!”
AS A PROGRAMMER I CAN TELL YOU THAT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU FUCKING DO WE HAD TO BAN THE DUCKS FROM MY CLASSES BECAUSE EVERYONE WOULD FLIP THE DUCK OR THROW IT AT A WALL OR SOMETHING WHEN THEY FIGURED OUT THE PROBLEM IN THEIR CODE
I work at a startup and part of the onboarding package you get when you first start working here now includes a rubber duck. We also have a bigger version of the duck for the extra hard problems. Sometimes one duck doesn’t cut it and you need to borrow your neighbors to get more ducks on the problem. One time we couldn’t figure out why something wasn’t working right so we assembled the counsel of ducks and by the grace of the Duck Gods were we able to finally come to a solution. These ducks have saved many lives and should be respected for the heroes they are.
I put him in jail bc I swear he talked without batteries once
LET ME FUCKIN TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT SOME FERBIES. MY COUSIN AND I HAD HEARD SOME CRAZY ASS RUMORS THAT THESE FUCKERS DID SHIT WITHOUT BATTERIES SO WE DECIDED HEY LETS TEST THIS SHIT. WE WERE FUCKING HOME ALONE RIGHT AND WE LOCKED THIS FUCKER IN A STEEL BOX WITH NO BATTERIES. WE BOTH WENT OUTSIDE, LOCKED THE DOORS AND WE CAME BACK AND THAT FUCKING THING WAS OUT OF THE BOX AND WAS FUCKING TALKING AND SHIT WE BURNED THAT FUCKER WITHIN LIKE FIVE FUCKIN MINUTES.
Moral of the story: DONT BUY FUCKING FURBIES
FOR REAL GUYS THIS IS NO FUCKING JOKE
THESE FUCKERS WILL CONTINUE TO TALK AND MOVE EVEN WITHOUT THE FUCKING BATTERIES
THEY’RE TERRIFYING AS SHIT AND THEY’RE OUT TO PUT AN END TO THE HUMAN RACE
DON’T FUCKING BUY FURBIES
DONT BUY THEM OH MY GOD. LAST YEAR I WORKED AT TOYS ‘R US AROUND THE TIME THE NEW LINE OF THOSE FUCKERS CAME OUT. THEY SOLD OUT WITHIN A WEEK. NOTHING WEIRD HAPPENED BUT THEN A LADY RETURNED ONE CAUSE SHE SAID IT WOULDNT TURN OFF. WE TOOK IT BACK AND SINCE IT WAS “BROKEN” WE KEPT IT IN OUR STAFF ROOM. THEN I WAS IN THERE ALONE AND IT WAS SITTING ON THE TABLE WITH NO BATTERIES IN IT. THEN THE FUCKING FERBIE STARTED MAKING NOISE THAT DIDNT SOUND LIKE WHAT FURBIEA SHOULD SOUND LIKE. IT WAS LIKE DEMONIC SCREECHING. I PUT THE LITTLE SHIT IN AN EMPTY LOCKER AND WHEN I TOLD MY MANAGER HE PUT IT IN THE BROKEN TOY BIN.
THEN I WENT OUT TO WORK AGAIN AND WHEN I CAME INTO THE STAFF ROOM AFTER MY SHIFT, THE FURBIE WAS ON THE TABLE AGAIN. YEAH DONT BUY THOSE FUCKERS
I HAVE MY OWN STORY TO ADD. I ONCE HAD A FURBIE, BUT ONCE IT DIED WE NEVER REPLACED THE BATTERIES AND JUST LET IT LAY DORMANT FOR A WHILE. MY COUSIN (WHO MIGHT I ADD, WAS A 22 YEAR OLD MAN AT THAT TIME) WAS HOUSESITTING FOR US AND THE FURBIE WAS TUCKED AWAY ON A SHELF IN OUR CELLAR. HE WENT DOWN TO GO DO SOME LAUNDRY AND THAT LITTLE SHIT OPENED ITS EYES AND MUTTERED “PEEKABOO”. MY COUSIN ATTACKED IT AND THREW IT OUTSIDE, AND IT WAS LATER TOSSED IN THE DUMPSTER. IM STILL AFRAID THAT THIS FURBIE WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT ME. DO NOT BUY THESE THEY ARE FUCKING DEMENTED!!!!
OKAY STORY TIME SO LAST CHRISTMAS MY COUSIN GOT ONE OF THESE FUCKERS EXCEPT IT WAS ONE OF THE NEW ELECTRONIC ONES AND THOSE ARE JUST AS BAD. THE BATTERIES ARE SEALED IN WITH SCREWS, AND NO ONE HAD A SCREWDRIVER THAT FIT, SO WE WERE FORCED TO DEAL WITH THIS THING THE WHOLE TIME. THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE DAMN THING WILL GO TO ‘SLEEP’, BUT ANY SORT OF MOVEMENT WILL WAKE IT UP AND CAUSE IT TO DEMONICALLY LAUGH. ANOTHER COUSIN GOT UP FOR A GLASS OF WATER AT TWO IN THE MORNING THAT NIGHT, WALKED BY THE CLOSET WHERE WE’D SHOVED IT IN FEAR, AND HIS FOOTSTEPS WOKE THE FUCKING THING UP AND IT STARTED LAUGHING AND WOULDN’T STOP FOR THE NEXT HOUR. DON’T BUY THESE FUCKING THINGS. THEY’RE DEMONIC.
the amount of personal stories is alarming
OK BUT MY MOM GOT US FURBIES AS LITTLE KIDS, AND YOU KNOW HOW THESE FUCKERS TALK BASED ON HOW YOU TRAIN THEM? WELL THE FACTORY GUYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO ONLY SWEAR AT THEM AND WHEN WE OPENED THEM CHRISTMAS MORNING THEY STARTED SPEWING PROFANITY AND DIDNT STOP UNTIL MY MOM RETURNED THEM
BACK WHEN I WAS LITTLE MY FURBIE WAS HUNGRY BUT WHEN I “FED” IT IT SAID IT WASN’T HUNGRY, AND WOULD THEN COMPLAIN IT WAS HUNGRY AGAIN. SINCE IT WOULDN’T STOP TALKING MY SISTER HIT IT WITH A BOOK AND IT JUST STOPPED MID SENTENCE, OPENED ITS EYES WIDE, AND LET OUT A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM. WE TOOK OUT THE BATTERIES AND PUT IT IN THE GARAGE BUT IT WOULDN’T STOP SCREAMING EVEN WHEN WE STARTED TO TAKE IT APART. IT CONTINUED SCREAMING AS WE THREW IT IN THE TRASH AND THEN PUT IT IN THE DUMPSTER
CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE VIDEO DOCUMENT THIS AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE?!?! One with continuos video as to assure no tampering, and an edited version with all the exciting bits. PLEASE.
Oh my god I’ve never had a furbie and I’m terrified as fuck holy shit
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