you know what’s probably more fun than playing chess? cheating at chess

ellimpala:

sorion:

responsible-reanimation:

lizardywizard:

idiopathicsmile:

ohhh would you look at that, my pawns found jesus and now they’re all bishops”

“so i realize it looks like i’m putting a thimble on the board but actually my rooks have been using their downtime to build another rook, one that’s better, stronger, faster—”

“hey welcome back. while you left to get a snack, those six pieces you’d captured slipped their guards, tunneled to safety and emerged right in the middle of your royal palace.”

“oof, looks like you’ve got my king cornered…maybe this is a good time to mention that shortly before we started playing, my pawns and knights revolted and instituted a representative democracy. feel free to kill the puppet ruler that was the one remaining vestige of our tyranny, you cringing servant of the crown. vive la revolution!

did you mean Mornington Crescent

If you’ve never seen this video, WATCH IT!

this is the best video I have ever seen in my entire life holy fuck

The mad bartender.

prorevenge:

God I spent countless hours as a teen playing on a heavily modded and roleplay enforced ultima online server. I played Cedric Sartone, simple farmer turned tavern owner who eventually turned it into THE BEST PLACE IN TOWN. It was poppin every night, I was buddies with every adventurer, soldier, mage, druid, and ranger that played the game. After they went out and grinded their skills and did their quests, I was waiting for them with a warm fire and plenty of ale. I’d buy their ingredients and make awesome food and booze (max level cooking!) and was privy to all the gossip.

Little did they know I had a side hobby, I was brewing massive amounts of the most gamebreakingly toxic poison possible. For over a year I roleplayed with these people as a simple barman, pretended to be their friend and confidant, and then during a harvest festival where every player on our server was in attendance and I was payed to provide the food and drink… I poisoned every last morsel of food, every drop of drink and after the reagent delivered his speech and all of these fools raised their goblets for the toast and took that deadly sip, I stepped onto the stage and revealed what had happened. They where all going to die, and die they did.

Now this was a permanent death server (hardcore rpers mind you) and some had been playing those characters for 8 years and there they all were, collapsed and dying. Soon they were all unconscious, as you could only die if you went unconscious three times in one day or if a certain psychotic bartender came and cut off your head… which I did to every player in our group of 38. They were all there, and unfortunately so was I.

Revenge against what, you ask?

So the server had a pretty strict policy regarding pvp and pk, essentially the GMs had to determine if there was in character justification for any instance of disputed player killing, obviously my situation prompted a call for an investigation. I understood those rules from the start though, and I kept a written log in the game where I detailed my character’s building hatred of every single other player character in the world. He would keep track of every little thing from petty slights, to unpaid tabs, but more importantly I adopted the little mannerisms that people roleplayed to develop their characters into the madness of mine.

So Elias was always whistling, well I recorded how infuriating Cedric found it in his journal, and soon he had multiple journals packed full of a thousand reasons an unstable maniac could use to justifiably (re: server rules) murder anyone. The reagent who was also the server admin had some ornate cloak with a custom texture, so I wrote like three pages about how pompous it was, and extrapolated what kind of insufferable prick he must have been for wearing it.

I would just write one or two things down every day for over a year, so I had many books full for the GMs to locate in the tavern basement and read through. The result was that they found my massacre to be in good form and in-character, so the server was not rolled back and instead they decided to reset and implement a new landmass they had been working on. Some people were really pissed off, mostly a handful of the veteran players who had been top dog for several years in their little gladiator arena.

I only did any of it because my first character was murdered by some overzealous asshole who just used his character to project his inferiority complex. He killed me on my second day on the server because I wandered into the funeral of his friend (it was taking place in the middle of town and there was a crowd, of course I was curious) and because I was not invited and he was a known prick it was found justifiable for his character to kill mine because of the emotional turmoil blah blah. So yeah I said f*ck that, and rolled a new character who was ostensibly eager to please and non-threatening. I won.

theweegeemeister:

so i’ve been thinking about Waluigi and how he’s never appeared in a main Mario title.

And i think the reason it’s so hilarious is all other side characters have a reason for their absence. Daisy is all the way in Sarasaland, Yoshi is probably back at his island. Wario has his business Warioware Inc. to run in some far away city. The rare time Luigi isn’t there he’s probably doing ghost stuff or taking care of the home front.

So what the hell is Waluigi doing?? Its heavily implied he lives in the mushroom kingdom, so where is he when shit goes down? Where is he when the toads are screaming and bowser’s maniacal laughter fills the air all while buildings are getting smashed up?

Is he just like- 

image

https://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/ranty-ramblestein/160533073701/tumblr_nclytdP12Z1ro2o47?plead=please-dont-download-this-or-our-lawyers-wont-let-us-host-audio
http://ranty-ramblestein.tumblr.com/post/160533073701/audio_player_iframe/ranty-ramblestein/tumblr_nclytdP12Z1ro2o47?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Faudio_file%2Franty-ramblestein%2F160533073701%2Ftumblr_nclytdP12Z1ro2o47

ravings-draws:

chromas-detersination:

nikolaspascal:

storminormin:

infiniteecho97:

cyberworm-txt:

PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS YOU DONT REALIZE WHAT YOURE MISSING

when a song ascends through its meme status

this is now officially my funeral song 

This… Is honestly amazing… Imagine putting this with a final boss where it feels like fighting is hopeless, but you continue to fight, not wanting to go down with out a fight. You’ve come too far to give up now… Perfect.

preoccupiedpepper:

I woke up from a really weird dream/nightmare about an hour ago and I still can’t shake the feeling that it was real. 

The dream started out in High School, as most nightmares do. I had a headache and needed to find some advil, so me and a group of friends went off-campus for lunch. These aren’t actual friends I had in high school, by the way, just a group of people. 

So we go off campus for lunch and go to a weird pizza place and a good chunk of my dream was about being angry that the pizza place was too busy and the pizza was bad. 

And then the aliens came.

There was some sort of loud explosion and people screaming, and of course everyone trying to check their phones to see what was going on, but the internet was gone. (The internet being gone is the real nightmare here). 

So me and the group of people I’m with run down to the basement of the pizza place and hide until the noise and the screaming stops. 

The next day we left the basement and went outside to find that everyone is gone. Even the animals are gone. The world was just terrifyingly quiet. 

We walked back to our High School to find a pile of rubble in it’s place, and we realize we’re only alive because we left campus during lunch. 

At this point the dream skips ahead, because even in dreams I skip all the boring stuff and go straight to the excitement. 

So apparently it’s been like six months and most of us have managed to survive. We’ve found other groups of survivors, but much like The Walking Dead, getting involved with other survivors doesn’t really pan out well. 

The aliens have taken over the world. They look like us, but they are nothing like us. 

As the dream goes on, surviving becomes harder. The aliens have some kind of new tech that can find us and wipe us out almost silently. One by one, the people in my group just collapse. At one point I watch a little spot of bright white light appear on the temple of one of my friends, and then he drops to the ground. 

The girls in my group survive longer than the rest, and my dream ends with the horrifying realization that the aliens are keeping them alive to use them for breeding. I’m not sure if we’re pets or food. 

I hope you all enjoyed this peek into my fucked up subconscious.