filledwiththislight:

Things my dentist has actually said to me:

“Well, either the x-rays lied to me or you are spontaneously creating teeth. I’m going with the second one because it’s way cooler.”

“When was the last time you flossed? Your gums aren’t bleeding which means I’m either not doing this hard enough or you actually floss your teeth regularly”

“You don’t need to do a fluoride treatment I just want to go check my facebook for a second and this is the best excuse I can come up with. Don’t worry your insurance will cover it.”

“Take a whole handful of toothbrushes, I can’t order new ones in less ugly colors until these ones are gone.”

“Remember not to eat or drink anything for a half hour…or actually you know forget that go eat lemons and drink coffee right now. I make money based on peoples bad decisions, you should probably stop brushing your teeth too.”

“I became a dentist because I like making children cry and they don’t let you do that as a regular doctor.”

What happens to the weather when a pokemon uses a weather changing move? Especially if other battles about weather are taking place nearby?

mega-rayguava:

bland-pokemon-headcanons:

Generally, the effect is over too small an area (no more than 3-4 yards) to really cause problems. There were rumors of something more potent happening in Hoenn a few years ago, but details seem really sketchy.

*looks into the camera like on The Office*

naamahdarling:

seriousjones:

tired of hearing about how saturn is the most fuckable planet just because it has the most rings. jupiter is clearly the most fuckable planet, and trust me, i’ve already heard your “oh the great red spot is an std” jokes, and i don’t care. and btw, the logistics of fucking the rings of a planet don’t make any sense. have fun trying to put your dick through a bunch of jagged rocks and ice, you piece of shit

this is like one of the best posts i’ve seen on tumblr and let me tell you why

  • “tired of hearing about” posts that then go on to delineate something i have literally never heard anyone talking about are hilarious
  • the idea of trying to rank the planets as fuckable is absurd
  • huffy “i don’t care”
  • nitpicking the logistics of something impossible
  • horrible mental image
  • ends very angrily


http://ranty-ramblestein.tumblr.com/post/164689103590/audio_player_iframe/ranty-ramblestein/tumblr_oupbg5ycVV1tnswg1?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Faudio_file%2Franty-ramblestein%2F164689103590%2Ftumblr_oupbg5ycVV1tnswg1

mcelbois:

What is shrimp heaven? Why does Daniel need it now? What are my responsibilities in this situation?